If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
