Your tits are I can't wait for
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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