I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
