Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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