You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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