I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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