just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
