i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize