Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
