What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize