so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
