god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
okay pat passed out under dana's car
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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