So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
