things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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