Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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