I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
