ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
