ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
