I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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