I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
a search helicopter?!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
