and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
