That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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