just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
