i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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