i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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