i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
