I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't put those talents on a resume
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
