I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
