He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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