i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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