The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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