I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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