Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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