So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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