i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
