Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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