Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
