How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
