Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
