in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
