he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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