Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Never joke about your clitoris.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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