You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
