Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
