Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
