This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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