I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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