My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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