if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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