i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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