hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
