just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
