it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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