I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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