so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize