My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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