well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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