i would punch a child for taco bell
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
