Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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