need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize