Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
