I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
