can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
