did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I CAN MOONWALK!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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