Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
