I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize