I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
