dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
